When people talk about spending time with other people's pets, they usually mean dogs. Walks, parks, a tennis ball. But many cat lovers can't have a cat of their own, and plenty of sociable cats enjoy a regular visitor. It's a quieter kind of friendship, and in some ways a more rewarding one, because a cat's trust has to be earned.
The catch is that almost everything that works with dogs works differently with cats. Here's how to be the visitor a cat is pleased to see.
Cats aren't small dogs
A dog generally wants to please you. A cat is deciding whether you're worth bothering with. That changes everything about how you approach them.
- Territory matters. Many cats are most relaxed on home ground. Where a visit takes place is the owner's decision, and you should never take a cat anywhere the owner hasn't agreed to.
- Control matters. Cats like to choose when to approach and when to leave. A cat that can walk away is far more likely to come back.
- Pace matters. It can take several visits before a cat sits on your lap, if they ever do. That isn't failure; it's normal.
Is the cat a good fit for visits?
Not every cat enjoys visitors, and a good owner knows it. Cats who often do well are those who come to greet guests at the door, follow people around, or nap in the same room as strangers. Very shy cats, or cats who hide whenever the doorbell goes, may be happier without visits, and that's the owner's call to make.
On Tomopaw, owners confirm that listed pets are healthy, vaccinated and at least six months old, and they approve every visit. Cats and dogs share the same welfare limits: visits of one to four hours, and at most one visit a day and five a week per pet.
Before your first visit
Ask the owner:
- How does the cat like to be greeted? Some will headbutt your hand straight away; others want ten minutes of ignoring you first.
- Where do they like to be stroked? Many cats enjoy cheeks, chin and the base of the ears. Many dislike tummies, paws and tails.
- Are they allowed treats? Which ones, and how many?
- Which toys do they love? A wand toy is often the fastest route to a cat's heart.
- Are there doors or windows that must stay shut? Is the cat allowed outside at all?
- Any signs that mean "stop", like a twitching tail or flattened ears?
Your first visit with any pet on Tomopaw happens with the owner present. That's especially useful with cats: watching how the cat behaves with their owner tells you a lot about how to behave yourself.
How to meet a cat
- Sit down. You are much less intimidating at cat height. A chair or the floor is better than standing.
- Ignore the cat at first. Talk to the owner. Let the cat watch you and decide you're harmless.
- Offer a finger. When the cat comes close, hold out a relaxed finger or the back of your hand at nose height and let them sniff. If they rub against it, they're inviting you to stroke.
- Start with the cheeks. A few gentle strokes along the cheek or under the chin. Then pause and see if they ask for more.
- Let them leave. If the cat walks away, let them go. Don't follow, pick them up or block the doorway.
Reading a cat's signals
- Happy and relaxed: tail held up, a slow blink, kneading, rubbing their face on you, a loose body stretched out nearby.
- Unsure: crouched low, tail wrapped around the body, watching you closely without moving. Give them space.
- Had enough: tail lashing or thumping, skin rippling along the back, ears turning sideways or flat, a sudden stare. Stop stroking straight away.
- Leave them be: hissing, growling, swatting or hiding. Calmly move away and let the owner know.
Learning to stop before a cat has to tell you twice is the single most important skill for a cat visitor.
Handling with respect
- Don't pick a cat up unless the owner says they like it, and they've shown you how.
- Never restrain a cat who wants to go.
- Keep play with toys, not hands. Hands that wrestle teach cats that hands are prey.
- Don't wake a sleeping cat for a cuddle.
- Keep doors and windows exactly as the owner left them. An indoor cat who slips outside can be very hard to find.
Good things to do on a cat visit
- Play. Short bursts with a wand or string toy, letting the cat "catch" it at the end.
- Grooming. Only if the owner has asked and shown you which brush to use.
- Just be there. Read a book in the same room. Many cats show affection by choosing to be near you, not on you.
- Talk to them. Quietly. Cats learn voices.
The rules that still apply
Cats get the same protections as dogs on Tomopaw. Follow the owner's house rules, never leave a pet alone or hand them to anyone else, and finish on time. No money changes hands between members. If anything seems wrong with the cat's health, tell the owner straight away; any medical question is for their vet. In an emergency, call local services and use the Emergency button in the app, which shows local emergency numbers, the owner's phone and the pet's vet.
A note on allergies
If you sneeze around cats, talk to your doctor before you start visiting, and read our guide on testing whether you're ready for a cat.
Meet a cat nearby
If you'd like a cat in your life without owning one, you can browse cats near you in the Tomopaw web app. Owners approve every visit, and your first visit is free.
Spend time with pets near you
Tomopaw connects verified members with neighbours' pets for visits of one to four hours. Owners lend for free.